I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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