I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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