If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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