peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
