currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
