I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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