I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
i think i just lost a toe
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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