i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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