you win again, gameday.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
