Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
