i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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