Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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