I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
