Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
