What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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