I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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