Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
