1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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