You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
