its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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