my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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