We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
