he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Randomize
