I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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