I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
