hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
