Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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