Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
