Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
