I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
How drunk are you?
Completed.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
