Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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