Cold hands, warm shart.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
