oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
