Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
