I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
