I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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