not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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