Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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