you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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