i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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