She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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