Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Randomize
