so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
