Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize