your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
