Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
