They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
