How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I met the friendliest cop last night
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
