I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
