He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
