Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
