Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
