Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
