I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
