halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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