my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Semen is not good for contacts.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
