Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
