I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
