Got a toothbrush?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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