chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
