she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
