Soap is not a condiment
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
