either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
