I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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