Got a toothbrush?
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
