new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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