maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Randomize
