I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
