yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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