38 yer olds are good kisserssss
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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