...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
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