I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
