True but thats because hes a fetus.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
